What is the relationship between the Sexuality Statement and the Ministry Policy proposals?

They are complementary but not interdependent.  One could be passed without the other.  One is a teaching document and a statement of understanding, which does not address  specific church policies or procedures, and the other is purely policy and procedure.  The social statement provides intellectual support for gays and lesbians to be fully included in the life of the church while the Ministerial policy document provides the actual mechanism for allowing gays and lesbians to become ordained clergy.

While passing both would be logically consistent, that may not happen because Social Statements require a 2/3 majority, according to the ELCA constitution, while a change in Ministry policy merely requires a simple majority.  It is more than conceivable that the votes will be sufficient to pass the Ministry policy changes but insufficient to pass the Social Statement.

The common adage is that we don’t talk about religion and politics in polite conversation.  To that may be added, “and we certainly don’t talk about sex.”  Well, the Lutherans do.  Honestly.  Candidly.

The document stretches to 32 pages.  Click here to see the whole document.  In its essence, it speaks of relationship and trust.  Here is a sampling.

God created human beings to be in relationship with each other and continually blesses us with diverse powers, which we use in living out those relationships. These include powers for action, reasoning, imagination, and creativity.

Sexuality especially involves the powers or capacities to form deep and lasting bonds, to give and receive pleasure, and to conceive and bear children. Sexuality can be integral to the desire to commit oneself to life with another, to touch and be touched, and to love and be loved. Such powers are complex and ambiguous. They can be used well or badly. They can bring astonishing joy and delight. Such powers can serve God and serve the neighbor. They also can hurt self or hurt the neighbor. Sexuality finds expression at the extreme ends of human experience: in love, care, and security; or lust, cold indifference, and exploitation.

Sexuality consists of a rich and diverse combination of relational, emotional, and physical interactions and possibilities. It surely does not consist solely of erotic desire. Erotic desire, in the narrow sense, is only one component of the relational bonds that humans crave as sexual beings. Although not all relationships are sexual, at some level most sexual relationships are about companionship. Although some people may remain single, either intentionally or unintentionally, all people need and delight in companionship and all are vulnerable to loneliness.

The need to share our lives with others is a profound good (Genesis 2:18). The counsel to love and care for the neighbor is not a command that is foreign to our created natures; rather, reaching out in love and care is part of who we are as relational and sexual beings. Even if we never have sexual intimacy, we all seek and respond to the bonds and needs of relationships.

Sexual love—the complex interplay of longing, erotic attraction, self-giving and receiving defined by trust is a wondrous gift. The longing for connection, however, also can render human beings susceptible to pain, isolation, and harm. The desire for sexual love, therefore, does not by itself constitute a moral justification for sexual behavior. Giving and receiving love always involves mixed motives and limited understanding of individual and communal consequences.

The sharing of love and sexual intimacy within the mutuality of a mature and trusting relationship can be a rich source of romance, delight, creativity, imagination, restraint, desire, pleasure, safety, and deep contentment that provide the context for individuals, family, and the community to thrive. (emphasis added)

Yesterday at the Convention, little happened legislatively, but the day was set aside for debate, dialogue, and discussion.  Here is a summary provided by Phil Soucy, the Director of Communications for Lutherans Concerned, North America (one of the advocacy groups operating under the Goodsoil umbrella).

The principal activity on the assembly floor was related to the Social Statement on Human Sexuality.  First, it was introduced onto the floor of the assembly.  Following the introduction, the assembly went into a quasi-Committee of the Whole, for the purpose of having a discussion without the encumbrance of parliamentary procedure.  People simply lined up at the microphones labeled Red and Green depending on whether they were against or for the adoption of the Social Statement.  The Presiding Bishop, Mark Hanson, using a computer program that kept track of who arrived in the line at the mic when, called on people alternating between against and for until he ran out of time or people to call on.

More time had to be allocated because things ran late in the morning, and part of the afternoon had to be used to finish out the 60 minutes allotted for this discussion.

Later that afternoon there was a hearing held on the Social Statement, among other hearings.  There was also a hearing before dinner on the Ministry Policies and one after – to allow those who went to the Social Statement hearing to go to one on Ministry Policies.

I will not bother to tell you the arguments that were made.  You are perfectly capable of guessing all of the arguments from both sides.  They have been made over and over again.  I heard no argument, pro or con, that I had not heard before.  That does not mean that the arguments should not be made.  They should be.

It is important to note that the disagreement we have with those opposed to full inclusion is not over the authority of Scripture in the life of the church, or in the life of any member of the church.  Scholars disagree on the interpretations of Scripture, and that is something Lutherans can do till the Second Coming.  Questioning someone else’s interpretation of Scripture does not constitute an assault on the authority of Scripture.  (emphasis added)

Legislative action on the social statement is scheduled for this afternoon.  The proposed changes in Ministry policy (allowing gay and lesbian ordination) will be considered tomorrow.

Goodsoil is an umbrella group of several LGBT advocacy groups including Wingspan Ministries of St Paul-Reformation Church, Lutherans Concerned North America, and The Network for Inclusive Vision.  Goodsoil becomes the face – and the voice — of the LGBT community at Churchwide Assemblies with a ministry of presence; we are here.  As a first time volunteer for Goodsoil, it has been a real joy to hear the faith stories of so many.

The first day, we all marveled at the stack of donated prayer shawls.  The shawls are worn by the prayer warriors who pray in the worship space of the assembly while the plenary sessions are underway next door, and also by workers in Goodsoil Central.  The shawls were gifted from individuals and congregations around the country, and Goodsoil volunteers will each bring a prayer shawl back to their home congregations.  On Monday afternoon, the shawls were dedicated with prayer and laying on of hands.

The volunteers are taught how to participate in “graceful engagement”, with an emphasis on graceful.  “Just tell your story.  Share what your faith means to you.  Share your love of the ELCA.  Share the scripture that touches you.”  Ok, we can do that.  But, so far every time I attempt to engage in conversation, I discover that I am preaching to the choir.  “Yes, Goodsoil.  Good work!  I think it’s going to happen, it’s time.”

I’m a newbie, but there are many who have been Goodsoil volunteers for several prior assemblies.  They say they are hopeful, but also realistic.  “But, if it doesn’t happen this time, then the next.  Or, the next.”  The coordinators of hallway “graceful engagement” are Paul and Karen Jolly of the Portland area who are veterans of several Church wide assemblies.  They are advocates on behalf of daughter, Trista, a lesbian in a committed relationship who feels simultaneously called to the ministry but excluded by current ELCA Ministry policies.

The Goodsoil Central headquarters was graced this afternoon by the presence of retired Presiding Bishop Herbert Chilstrom and retired St Paul Area Synod Bishop Lowell Erdahl.  The pair co-authored a book a number of years ago entitled Sexual Fulfillment, and they visited and signed books today.  Chilstrom wrote a letter recently to voting members of the assembly encouraging passage of the Sexuality Statement and Ministry Guidelines.

Two other blogs have been started just in the past few days to track Goodsoil.  Goodsoil Central & Revdawn.  I’ve met these folks and encourage you to check out their blogposts.

Talk to you soon.

This is complicated.  Allow me to try to simplify, but bear with me.

Broadly speaking, there are two LGBT issues that will come before this 2009 ELCA Church wide assembly.  One is the adoption or rejection of a Sexuality Social Statement.  The second is a proposed change in Ministry Policies.

According to the ELCA Constitution, there are three matters that require a 2/3 supra-majority.  1)  Amendments to the Constitution, 2) Full communion agreements with another denomination, and 3) Social Statements.  Since the Proposed Sexuality Statement is a Social Statement, it will require a 2/3 supra-majority to pass.  This requirement was not at issue this evening.

On the other hand, there are proposed changes in the existing Ministry policies of the church.  The present policies require gay and lesbian persons to remain celibate in order to become ordained.  This policy came into existence by majority votes of previous bodies, specifically the Council of Bishops, many years ago.  Recently, the Council of Bishops has proposed a change in the Ministry policies that will allow gay and lesbian persons in committed relationships to become or remain ordained.  In proposing the changes for consideration by the Assembly, the Council of Bishops established a simple majority rule, which would be consistent with prior decisions on ministry policy.

It was this latter rule that was the subject of the conservative’s motion.  The motion was to change the rules to require a 2/3 supra-majority to adopt or amend the proposed changes to ministry policy.

Debate went on for over an hour with speakers alternating between those favoring and those opposing the motion.  The arguments were varied but two predominated.  For the conservatives, the “wisdom of the ages” and similar sentiments came up often.  Changes to  long standing policies and attitudes should only come about through strong consensus, defined as a 2/3 majority.

Those who argued against the proposed rule change also argued history.  It has always been the history to adopt ministry policies by a simple majority.  Since the prohibitions against gay clergy were adopted by simple majority vote, reversal of the prohibition should also require only a simple majority.  When the decision was made to allow women clergy, (a Ministry policy change), a mere simple majority was required.  A gay man spoke, asking why gays should be singled out for a more stringent procedural rule than other ministerial policy decisions.

In any case, the motion to change the requirement from simple majority to supra-majority failed.  43% voted in favor of the motion and 57% voted against.

Clear as mud?   Sorry, that’s the best my addled brain can do at this hour after conventioneering all day. 

Suffice it to say, this was a huge victory for those who promote a change in ministerial policy that will open the door to ordaining gays and lesbians.  If this vote in any way presages the  vote on the substance of the measure (and many think it will), then a 57-43% split suggests a strong probability that the substantive measure will pass when it comes up for a vote later this week.

At 9:55 pm on August 17th, 2009, the first significant vote is in.  In a procedural vote, a motion by the conservative opposition to the pro-gay ministry policies failed!  The vote to change the rules failed by a margin of 43% for the conservative’s procedural motion to 57% against.

More details to follow.

Tomorrow afternoon, August 17, 2009, the ELCA opens its biennial church wide assembly in Minneapolis, #CWA09.  As always, there will be lots going on, but this year all attention is on the sexuality statement and proposed resolutions that will allow gay clergy and gay marriage.

Will the ELCA join the United Church of Christ (UCC) and Episcopal Churches as the only sizable Christian denominations in the US that allow inclusion of LGBT persons in the fullness of church life?  If so, the ELCA will become the largest religious denomination anywhere in the world to do so (The UCC has slightly over 1 million members, and the Episcopal Church has slightly over 2 million members; the ELCA has 4.6 million).

On the eve of the convention, the major newspaper in Minnesota suggests the respectful attitude known hereabouts as “Minnesota Nice” will prevail.  According to the story in the Star Tribune on Sunday,

"We’re Lutherans; we’re insistent but polite," said Phil Soucy, spokesman for Goodsoil, a coalition of groups supporting ordination of gay ministers, including the St. Paul-based Lutherans Concerned.

The Rev. Mark Chavez, spokesman for Lutheran CORE, which opposes gay ordination, will be working to defeat the proposal but promised that arguing will not turn into yelling. "Anyone who has seen coverage of any of our earlier assemblies knows that’s not our style," he said.

The question for many is what happens after; what will the losers do?

Bishop Mark Hanson, the Twin Cities native who leads the ELCA, said that no matter how the vote comes out, he’s intent on keeping the losers from rebellion.

"It is my commitment and my conviction that we will not succumb to this polarizing question that often divides communities," he said.

Across the Mississippi River, the St Paul Pioneer Press offers AP articles by reporter Patrick
Condon.  His latest article suggests that conservatives are pondering how to respond if the resolutions are passed, noting that there will be discussions about leaving the ELCA but many prefer:

[S]taying in the ELCA and “struggling from within … can we stay and work on our disagreements? That’s a biblical approach as well."

On Saturday evening, National Public Radio’s All Things Considered offered a lengthy feature on the upcoming assembly by Barbara Bradley Hagerty, all but predicting that the resolutions will pass.

First it was the Episcopalians, now it’s the Lutherans. The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America — one of the largest Christian churches — is on the brink of sanctioning gay clergy members.

And now, the pro-gay lobby is gaining momentum — less through bomb-throwing than just wearing the conservative opposition down …They say Jesus was all about including everyone in his work and mission … even conservatives believe that change is inevitable — if not this year, then at the next assembly in 2011.

I will be in attendance and live blogging from the assembly.  Watch this space for regular updates or follow on Twitter by signing up using the “Share Save" button below.  Click here for earlier posts about the convention.

UPDATE:

Here are a couple of news stories from Monday morning.

An Arizona Republic article wonders about members and congregations that may leave the ELCA and weighs in on the local effect in the Southwest.  One Arizona mega church, Community Church of Joy of Glendale, Az, has apparently already chosen to leave the ELCA, even before the historic votes in Minneapolis.

On the other hand, the article also refers to the local option of the resolutions, and quotes synod Bishop Stephen Talmadge,

"It’s possible some people are able to see the ultimate impact on (their) local church" may be minimal, he said.

"Some people have said, ‘We’re tired of continually battling this. Let’s focus on our mission.’"

The article also points out the generational divide on perceptions.

Some young people at Community of Grace Lutheran Church in Peoria say they differ with many of their elders on gay-clergy issues.

"If someone believes enough in their faith to be ordained, who am I to stop them?" asked Laura Wright, 26. "My dad totally disagrees with me.

The Washington Times offers perspective from the Synod bishops in Virginia and Maryland-Delaware.

On Monday, August 17th, the ELCA 2009 Churchwide assembly will convene at the Minneapolis Convention Center and will continue through the week.  According to the latest ELCA statistics, there will be 1,037 voting members chosen at 65 regional synod assemblies earlier this year.  Roughly 39% of the electorate will be ordained clergy, and 61% will be laity, and they all join together as a single, unicameral legislative body. 

There will be worship, workshops, hearings, and, of course, the plenary sessions in which the voting members will conduct the business of the ELCA.  According to the polity of the ELCA, these biennial assemblies are the ultimate legislative authority and here is where the rubber meets the road.  Social statements, administrative actions, Council of Bishops proceedings, and all other official, semi-official, and auxiliary functions of the ELCA are subject to Churchwide policies determined by the biennial assemblies.

Here is a list of the principal items of business that will come before the assembly this year.

"Book of Faith": Lutherans Read the Bible

Budget

Evangelizing Congregations

Lutheran Malaria Initiative

Middle East Strategy

Ministry Policies Recommendation

Proposed Social Statement on Human Sexuality

Full-Communion Agreement with The United Methodist Church

Without question, the Sexuality Statement and resolutions pertaining to LGBT relationships will be the primary focus because, if adopted, the ELCA will become the largest religious denomination in the US or anywhere in the world to allow the ordination of persons in same-gender relationships and to allow local congregations to bless such relationships (gay clergy and gay marriage). 

As we come to this potentially historic moment, it is appropriate to look back at the history of the ELCA vis a vis LGBT issues.

Already the two largest Lutheran denominations in America, the Lutheran Church in America and American Lutheran Church (along with smaller Lutheran bodies) merged to form the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA) in 1987.  The first test of ELCA policy regarding gay clergy came quickly in San Francisco.

In 1988, Jeff Johnson received his Master of Divinity degree from Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary.  Following graduation, he worked for Lutheran Social Services of Northern California, dealing with the exploding HIV/AIDS epidemic.  Then, he received a call to the ordained ministry from First United Lutheran Church of San Francisco, but he was ineligible according to the ELCA policy that required a pledge of life-long celibacy from gay and lesbian pastors.

Nevertheless and despite dour warnings from the synod bishop, “Pastor Johnson [along with a lesbian couple, Ruth Frost and Phyllis Zillhart, who were called to St Francis Lutheran of San Francisco] was ordained extra ordinem on January 20, 1990 at a service at historic St. Paulus Lutheran Church in San Francisco that was attended by over 1000 persons, with participation by over 70 clergy members.”  First United Lutheran and St Francis Lutheran were placed on trial and expelled from the ELCA in 1995. 

In 1999, Pastor Johnson accepted a new call as Pastor of University Lutheran Chapel and as Lutheran Campus Pastor of the University of California, Berkeley.  University Lutheran Chapel received a “letter of censure” from the synod bishop at that time, but no further action has been taken by the ELCA or the regional synod.  Pastor Johnson continues to serve in that call.

First United Lutheran Church of San Francisco has thrived in its ministry to the LGBT population in its community, and continues to maintain informal ties with the ELCA.  Pastor Susan Strouse, the present pastor of First United Lutheran, has advised me in private correspondence that the congregation continued to be part of their ELCA conference and Pastor Jeff Johnson actually served as conference Dean for a period!  Pastor Strouse continues to be ELCA rostered clergy although she is technically “on leave from call” (and not accruing pension benefits?).  She is also rostered with Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries (ELM).  The current bishop has expressed interest in resolving this festering issue, but “much bridge building and healing would have to take place,” Pastor Strouse says.

Since then, there have been numerous, additional extra ordinem ordinations:

Donna Simon – October 28, 2000 in Kansas City: Pastor Simon was called by Abiding Peace Lutheran.

Craig Minich – February 18, 2001 in Berkeley: Pastor Minich is called by two Oakland churches and University Lutheran in Berkeley.

Anita C. Hill – April 28, 2001 in St. Paul, Minnesota: Pastor Hill was called to St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Sharon Stalkfleet – May 12, 2002 in the Bay Area: Pastor Stalkfleet is called to the East Bay Nursing Home.

Jay Wiesner – July 25, 2004 in Minneapolis, MN: Pastor Wiesner was originally called by Bethany Lutheran Church in Minneapolis; he is now serving University Lutheran Church of the Incarnation in Philadelphia.

Erik Christensen – October 21, 2006 in Chicago: Pastor Christensen was called to St. Luke’s of Logan Square.

Megan Rohrer – November 18, 2006 in San Francisco: Pastor Rohrer was called to be the director of the Welcome Ministry with a call from HerChurch; Christ Church; St. Francis and Sts. Mary and Martha in San Francisco.  Rohrer became the first openly transgender person to be ordained in the Lutheran church.

Dawn Roginski – June 16, 2007 in San Francisco: Pastor Roginski was called on March 25, 2007 by St Francis Lutheran Church of San Francisco to serve as its Pastor of Parish Programs.

Jen Rude – November 17, 2007 in Chicago: Pastor Rude was called to Resurrection Lutheran and the Night Ministry in Chicago.

Jen Nagel – January 19, 2008 in Minneapolis: Pastor Nagel was called to Salem Lutheran where she had been serving for four and a half years as a pastoral minister.

Lionel Ketola – May 16, 2008 in Newmarket Ontario: Pastor Ketola was called to Holy Cross where he will serve as associate pastor and Ambassador of Reconcilliation.  Ketola became the first legally married gay man to be ordained in the Lutheran church. Later, the congregaton and the pastors who participated in the ordination were censured by the local bishop, who is investigating whether or not to further discipline the congregation.

Lura Groen – July 26, 2008 in Houston, Texas: Pastor Groen was called to Grace Evangelical Lutheran Church.

Jodi Barry – October 25, 2008 in Minneapolis, MN: Pastor Barry was the first pastor called by Extraordinary Lutheran Ministries to a specialized ministry. Pastor Barry is a Hospital Chaplain.

UPDATE:  Pastor Susan Strouse offers a pair of recent additions to the list:

Jay Wilson – December 6, 2008 in San Francisco:  Pastor Wilson was called to First United Lutheran Church as Minister to the Welcome Ministry.

Steve Keiser – January 25, 2009 in Philadelphia: Pastor Keiser was called to the Lutheran Church of the Holy Communion.

Of these, the ordination of Pastor Anita Hill of St Paul especially drew national attention.  Pastor Hill’s synod bishop at the time was Mark Hanson who now serves as the ELCA’s Presiding Bishop.  An active bishop of the ELCA, Paul Egertson of The Southwest California Synod, and Rev. Dr. Krister Stendahl, Bishop of the Church of Sweden, participated in the ordination of Pastor Hill.  Pastor Hill’s congregation, St Paul-Reformation Lutheran, was censured, admonished, and placed under sanctions by the ELCA.  The sanctions have been now been withdrawn while the censure remains. 

At the 2005 Churchwide Assembly in Orlando, Pastor Hill and around one hundred others protested ELCA LGBT policy by marching to the podium during a plenary session.  Their actions were not well-received.  Upon returning to her church in St Paul, Pastor Hill told the story in her sermon of August 28th, 2005, and she has graciously provided a copy to me.

I saw 100 people wearing rainbows (including 15 St. Paul-Ref members) walking to the front of the plenary hall as the business ground to a halt. As Margaret Schuster said: “There was disapproval raining down on our heads.” My heart beat fast and my hands shook. I heard the voice of our presiding bishop asking us to return to the visitor section. I heard the tension in the murmurs and groans of many voting members. It was hard to stand still. Bishop Mark Hanson was my bishop in St. Paul before his election to churchwide office. He has been my shepherd. I know his voice.

But we stood firm in our places.

We risked our reputations, risked losing the respect of the church we’ve been nurtured in along with our families for generations. We studied non-violence, sought to let our love be genuine, especially toward those we perceived to be against us; searched our hearts for ways to express God’s love as we brought our message to the church. Even without voice our message was delivered: no longer can you make decisions about us as though we are an “issue” to be handled by policy and procedure. We are human beings beloved of God, marked with the cross of Christ forever, just like you. As you make decisions, you’ll have to look into our eyes and faces, and see that we love God enough to suffer and to persevere in prayer and action.

But we stood firm in our places.

I’m convinced that whether the change we seek comes sooner or later, we must continue to be a congregation that embraces “justice rooted in gospel.” I’m ready for the day when I am a pastor known not only for being lesbian, but known for teaching, preaching, and leading in ways that move our community to care for those who are hungry, homeless, or sick, those in need of love and care, the “little ones” of the world. Let our community grow in global awareness and response even as we care for this particular metropolitan area. Let us live well and share well and witness well. Let us confound those who cannot fathom our faithful enterprise.

But we stood firm in our places.

Next week, Thursday, a play will be performed as part of Goodsoil’s programming during the ELCA Churchwide Assembly (8:00 pm, August 20, Wesley United Methodist Church, 101 E Grant St, Minneapolis).  The play is entitled Come to the Table and “testifies to the power that a vision of inclusiveness has in the healing and growth of a congregation. Come and be inspired.”

“If something happens to Randy or the kids, I have no say in their medical care. Legally I can’t visit them in the Intensive Care Unit. It’s pretty hard that, being the kids’ father, I can tell them when to take a shower or do their homework or go to bed or ground them, but I can’t put them on my insurance at work.”

Today is the final installment of ten LGBT faith stories from the Minneapolis – St Paul area.  In just a few days, the ELCA 2009 Church Wide Assembly will convene in Minneapolis, and these ten stories have been offered in support of the resolutions that will sanction gay ordination and gay marriage.

These stories have been borrowed from a booklet compiled and written by seminarian, Kari Aanestad.  The Joint Synod Inclusivity Committee of the Minnesota metro synods of the ELCA offers these ten stories as a download on their website.

Here are links to the earlier stories in this series:

Introduction: Listen to the stories of gay Christians

Wounded Healer

Some kids have two moms

Couple meets in Gay Men’s Chorus

Mom and Dad, I’m gay

Lesbian feels unsafe and unvalued in church

Rejected by the People

A martyr for the cause

We’re all part of the same body, except you

I don’t drink coffee, but I am a lesbian

Randy and David sit in their living room, with its butternut-squash walls and warm wooden floors. Their older dog, William, falls asleep at my feet to the rhythm of the ticking clock that rests on the mantelpiece behind me. David’s blond hair and light blue eyes contrast with Randy’s own dark
eyes and hair. Their two sons, Mitchell (16) and Matthew (13), huddle over each other in the adjacent room, building something out of paper. Their daughter, McKenna (8), cries softly because of her difficult spelling homework. David quietly soothes her and begins the interview.

“We go to church because we’re there to worship God,” David said. “We’re followers of Christ. We’re not there to be the followers of the rainbow flag. But at the same time, we don’t want to be discriminated against for who we are. We’re kind of caught in the middle there. Luckily our church accepts us as part of the family. We are just members of the congregation.”

The church has been an important part of Randy and David’s lives. They were both raised in small, Midwestern towns in which Lutheranism was not only a theological foundation of their families, but also a cultural identity.

“I was raised in a small town in the middle of ‘Nowhere, North Dakota,’” Randy said. “In the area I’m from you were either Catholic or Lutheran, and that was all there was to it.”

Growing up, Randy was deeply involved in his church community: He was a part of Luther League, went to Sunday school, taught Sunday school, and attended church regularly. After graduating from high school, however, his involvement in the church dwindled. While in his mid 30s, Randy decided to adopt a child.

“Adopting was what brought me back to the church; I wanted to raise my son in the tradition that I had been raised in, which was ELCA Lutheran,” Randy said.

He was one of the first single males to ever adopt within the Russian court system. What also made the adoption nearly impossible was that the boy whom Randy wished to adopt was considered too old for adoption. Despite the odds, in 1997 Randy successfully brought 4 ½ year old Mitchell to his new home in the United States. Even though the first adoption was difficult, Randy’s family was not yet complete; and in the end of 1998, he began the process of a second adoption. He received a referral in December and traveled to Yekatrinburg, Russia, on the western edge of Siberia.

“In March of 1999, we brought Matthew back. That’s about the same time David came into our lives.”

David is from a Minnesota town of 3,000. “I was raised Missouri Synod Lutheran,” David said then paused and laughed. “My parents’ house sat between two Lutheran churches: literally we had the Missouri Synod church across the street on one side and we had the ELCA church on the other side.

”David also distanced himself from religion after moving away from home after high school. It wasn’t until he joined the Air Force that he reconnected with his faith. After the Air Force, David lived in Colorado Springs for a while and became active in the ELCA church during that time. After about 15 years, he decided to move back to Minnesota where he met Randy in 1998. They had a holy union in 2001, but kept it very small and private.

“We didn’t say anything to anyone in the church about it — the pastor knew about it, two friends knew about it, and then of course the kids knew about it. That’s it,” David said. “The reason was, we didn’t want to get our pastor into trouble, to cause any dissension in the church, or to become a spectacle.”

David continued, “I attended several holy unions when I was in Colorado Springs. No matter how much seriousness or gravity was put on the ceremony, inevitably some of the people attending viewed it as a mock wedding. Randy and I didn’t want to have any of that because that was never our intention. We wanted the ceremony and we wanted it to be in church. Whether the law recognizes it or not isn’t nearly as important as affirming our commitment before God, which we did.”

It didn’t take much time for Randy, David, and the two boys to become a family, and their church became central to their shared lives. The four attended a church near their Minneapolis home for many years until its recent closure. During the time of their membership, both Randy and David
served in various leadership roles and, most important, “we were active in almost all the potlucks and bake sales,” Randy said.

While teaching Sunday school, David received some drawings from two little girls who were in Matthew’s class. “Dealing with those two was so different than with boys,” David said. He then began to think about adopting a girl. “In the summer of 2001 we did a lot of soul-searching and praying and decided to adopt a girl,” Randy said. Randy began the adoption process as a single parent, knowing that if David were legally involved, the adoption would be impossible.

“We initially tried to adopt from Ukraine, but that opportunity came and went. Then we had what looked like a much more successful adoption from Russia. It took about 6-9 months to get things ready, jump through the hoops, get the paperwork in place and get the money. Randy was in court finalizing the adoption when the judge told him the child had siblings ranging in age up to 10 years old.”

In order to adopt the young girl, the judge told Randy that he would have to adopt all four children.
After much discussion Randy and David decided they couldn’t take all of the children. Their church grieved with Randy and David at the devastation of these two failed adoption attempts.

“All of our friends at church had been praying, and it was mentioned almost weekly in church where we stood, so when this adoption fell through it was devastating to the entire church. Everybody mourned with us,” David said.

David quickly began to lose hope in adopting a girl. “Everybody, including me, underestimated Randy’s resolve, but the Russian government didn’t stand a chance against Randy,” David said.
“Sure enough another opportunity came up and Randy was just as dogged and determined
as he was with the first. I was very apprehensive. I did not believe that this adoption would go through for sure until they were on the ground in the United States. But sure enough Randy emailed me from Russia, and a couple days later the boys and I met Randy and McKenna in the airport.”

“The next Sunday we went to church. At this particular church it was standard practice for people to have spontaneous announcements at the end of worship. So I went up there at the end and announced that she was here. After the first adoption had failed, we decided not to tell anyone about this attempt because failure is so painful. But when we were able to introduce McKenna to
our church, everybody was so excited and surprised.”

McKenna was the final addition to the now completed family. She was embraced not only by her new parents and brothers, but also by her new church family.

“Some of the older, more conservative members absolutely adore our family, especially McKenna,”
David said. “We like to think that we’re the kind of family that has nothing to prove. I’ll admit that we’ve never marched in a parade. We’re certainly not active in any gay community; frankly, we’re too busy. We’re busy helping with homework, driving to soccer games, and working. We hope that we set just a regular example for people. Randy and I consider sexual orientation to be a non-issue: we are who we are; we are a family.”

Randy added, “We never introduce ourselves as a gay family. We introduce ourselves as ‘This is Randy, this is David, and these are our three kids. Now what can we do?’”

In spite of the fact that Randy, David, and their three kids have been a family for over ten years, they still face many social and legal challenges.

David said, “Randy and I are not out to define marriage, which is a traditional term. I’m not as concerned with people calling us married as for me to be able to claim Randy as my partner. But what really concerns me are the legal protections. If something happens to Randy or the kids, I have no say in their medical care. Legally I can’t visit them in the Intensive Care Unit. It’s pretty hard that, being the kids’ father, I can tell them when to take a shower or do their homework or go to bed or ground them, but I can’t put them on my insurance at work.”

“This system needs reform,” Randy said. “It can be reformed by doing exactly what we’re doing: by being involved in our church, involved in our schools, and being like everybody else.”

David added, “Don’t get me wrong — we’re not going to condemn anybody who marches in a parade. In fact, we need people like that, absolutely. We need the people who are vocal politically. We need the people who are more visible to the general population, absolutely. There does need to be that visible, active presence — something to draw attention to the issues. But this is our role.
Our role might not be to be out there carrying a banner necessarily, but I know the way we live speaks volumes to our friends and family and neighbors who find us to be ‘ just like them.’”

“We did go to a couple of gay-friendly churches once, but there worship became political. The reason why we didn’t join those churches is because the whole sermons had to do with homosexuality. Their motto seemed to be, ‘We’re so inclusive that let’s put up neon lights.’

Even in spite of the fact that the ELCA at large wouldn’t allow us the same rights that the other
members have, our church accepted us as part of the family.

“That’s why we came back to the Lutheran Church, having initially left because they voted to not ordain homosexuals. Even in spite of the fact that the ELCA at large wouldn’t allow us the same rights that the other members have, our church accepted us as part of the family.”

And so David, Randy, Mitchell, Matthew, and McKenna continue to live as a stable family and members of the Lutheran Church. Their lives are governed by their faith, commitment to each other, and love for one another. Hopeful that their example will inspire others to reevaluate preconceived notions about various sexual orientations, David says, “We are just members of the congregation. We’re just Randy and David.”

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